Are you in a relationship that seems destined to fail no matter how hard you try to fix it?
A new study has discovered there is a ‘point of no return’ where no matter how much either party tries, the relationship is doomed.
Researchers from Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz in Germany found this unstoppable breakup point hits anywhere from seven to 28 months before one of them calls it quits.
The team found two specific phases of a failing relationship that’s secretly coming to an end: a gradual decline in satisfaction and the ‘transition point’ – where nothing will prevent the breakup.
Even worse, the partner who ends up calling off the relationship hits this ‘terminal decline’ phase about a year before the partner who gets dumped.
Once that person realizes they’re going to be dumped, their relationship satisfaction spirals downwards even faster than their unhappy partner.
Although breakups can often seem to come out of nowhere, Bühler added that this really isn’t the case – saying partners go through lots of phases when they’re with someone and these things don’t just happen overnight.
However, there may be a way to save a floundering romance – as long as you can spot the signs of relationship decline before hitting this critical point.
Scientists have found that one partner reaches the transition point of their relationship before the person they intend to dump and this could be months before their partner realizes what’s happening
Professor Janina Bühler, the study’s lead author, warned: ‘Once this terminal phase is reached, the relationship is doomed to come to an end.’
In order to find out when the clock starts to figuratively tick away on a couple, researchers changed the way they examined a failing relationship.
Instead of looking at couples from the beginning of their romantic relationships (time-since-beginning), Bühler focused on ‘time-to-separation,’ meaning how satisfied was each partner right up until the point where they broke up.
Bühler’s findings, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, come from a review of four studies conducted in Germany, Australia, the UK, and the Netherlands.
Throughout those studies, Bühler and co-author Ulrich Orth looked at the relationship satisfaction among 11,295 people who eventually broke up with their partners.
They also examined a ‘control’ group that was nearly the same size who did not end their relationships.
Each of the studies followed couples for 12 to 21 years, asking the participants about their relationships and their overall life satisfaction each year.
The team found a predictable pattern in all of the failing relationships.
Researchers in Germany discovered two specific phases of a failing relationship: the longer pre-terminal phase where a partner’s satisfaction slowly declines and the transition point – where the relationship is doomed for a breakup within 7 to 28 months
Just like the patterns that a person’s brain goes through as they age – from growing cognitive ability after birth to a slow mental decline in old age – doomed relationships experienced a very subtle slide that lasted for years before reaching a sudden breaking point.
In some cases, this steady decline phase lasted for a decade and only saw relationship satisfaction scores drop from around a nine out of 10 to a fairly positive eight out of 10.
Still, the study found that couples who were destined to break up hit the ‘transition point’ about two years before officially calling it quits with their partner.
That’s when they reported their satisfaction scores falling off a cliff – which the researchers called the ‘terminal phase.’
Interestingly, the team discovered that there may be something that keeps this relationship death spiral hidden from the partner who’s about to be dumped.
Even though relationship satisfaction plummeted once someone hit the terminal phase, they continued to rate their overall satisfaction with life fairly high.
The German team said this made the terminal phase ‘less visible,’ even as the time was counting down to their breakup.
Among the thousands of people who stayed together with their loved one in the control group, the study uncovered that none of these people ever entered the terminal phase.
The researchers added that it there’s still a chance to recover your fading love – but only if you’re still in the slow decline of the ‘pre-terminal phase.’
Bühler noted that the biggest thing is to be aware of the declining satisfaction you or your partner is feeling ‘before it begins to go rapidly downhill.’
So, if things are headed south, what should you do?
Recently, psychotherapist Amy Morin identified over a dozen key characteristics that could ensure a relationship survives.
Those include not ignoring problems in the relationship, not trying to fix your partner’s flaws, setting boundaries for your partner, and, of course, not forgetting why you fell in love in the first place.
This article was originally published by a www.dailymail.co.uk . Read the Original article here. .