There’s no doubt that flying can be a challenge to both body and mind.
After all, it surely subverts the laws of physics to be packed (especially if going budget) into a metal tube, 35,000 feet in the air with a pick and mix of complete strangers.
Little wonder that air travel can, at times, bring out the worst in even the most reasonable of people.
From the lazy parent to the non-stop talker and flying bladder, we reveal every type of air passenger.
So which one are you? Vote in our poll…
1. THE TALK SHOW HOST
With a non-stop flight comes your non-stop chatter.
With determination you boldly – bloodlessly – attempt to strike up conversation with the person sitting next to you even if they are concentrating on Sudoku or glued to their Kindle.
THE TALK SHOW HOST: With a non-stop flight comes your non-stop chatter. With determination you boldly – bloodlessly – attempt to strike up conversation with the person sitting next to you even if they are concentrating on Sudoku or glued to their Kindle (file image)
You leap in before they snap their headphones on and prattle away about your travel plans, your kids, your kids` travel plans, ignoring their attempts to be released from the horrors of your endless narrative.
Meanwhile, the slightest word they say or move they make – even a yawn or sign – is a catalyst for your own inane observations.
2. THE BAREFOOT WANDERER
Seat belt on, socks off.
You regard the cabin as a home from home – a place to relax, unwind and treat the place as your own.
Forget the fact that the other passengers didn’t expect the sight of your gnarly feet to be included in the price of their ticket.
Yet on you go, wandering up and down the cabin barefoot in a zen like state, telling the cabin crew you’re a seasoned traveller who loves to feel the sand between your toes (though more likely on a flight the discarded bits of overpriced Pringles).
En route there may be some stretching, squatting – you once got the extra legroom seat and attempted the plank next to the emergency exit.
THE BAREFOOT WANDERER: Seat belt on, socks off. You regard the cabin as a home from home – a place to relax, unwind and treat the place as your own
Likely you’re the kind who reads lots of self-help books about the importance of self-comfort which is probably why you splay your legs out as far as decency allows when in your seat.
3. THE TERRITORIAL TRAVELLER
Every aspect of your on board flag-planting behaviour is about staking your claim to space and territory. And you’re not afraid to fight for it.
You make sure you’re at the gate first, having sprinted into action as soon as the number is announced, barrelling through grannies, small children and any other hapless individuals who get in your way.
Once on board you grab the space in the overhead locker. Then, with sharply pointed elbows, you make clear the arm rest belongs to you.
Though, as history has shown, territorial types are often cowards.
Which is why you feign sleep as soon as you’re in your seat so there’s no argument.
4. THE LAZY PARENT
THE LAZY PARENT: Your children are supposed to be your responsibility. But once on board, you release them into the aisle like an exotic creature being returned to the wild, hoping others will find them cute and even pull a few funny faces to keep them entertained (file image)
Your children are supposed to be your responsibility.
But once on board, you release them into the aisle like an exotic creature being returned to the wild, hoping others will find them cute and even pull a few funny faces to keep them entertained.
After all, your children can hardly get off without telling you.
And it`s so tedious trying to keep them entertained when they`re wired on E-numbers, having watched Peppa Pig 140 times.
We`re all in this together and children are the future, right?
5. THE PERFORMANCE PARENT
An even more challenging variation of the travelling parent/child combo, you firmly believe that everyone else on the flight is interested – nay, invested! – in your child`s journey (both geographical and educational).
So you turn the flight into a floor show.
THE PERFORMANCE PARENT: With a theatrical flourish, you play games, read stories and volubly commend your child`s brilliance for every mundane action (‘ah yes, the clouds do look fluffy’) (file image)
With a theatrical flourish, you play games, read stories and volubly commend your child`s brilliance for every mundane action (‘ah yes, the clouds do look fluffy’).
At the same time, you sweep your gaze around you, desperate to snag eye contact and so get affirmation of and admiration for your little one`s behaviour.
You may even determinedly open conversation (‘This is Conrad/Melody`s first Mediterranean flight’). All harmless of course.
Until you say ‘now you mustn’t kick the nice man`s seat’ whilst actually doing very little about the fact your child is belting the back of the person in front with their charmingly-clad size twos.
6. THE NEVER-ENDING GRAZER
Forget the delights of the in-flight trolley (is there anything less appetising than a mozzarella bap which has been to Alicante and back before you even woke up this morning?).
You like to be self-sufficient, so you bring food. Lots of food.
Frankly your carry- on bag is like Narnia; capacious, bottomless and mysterious and from which, with a sulphurous or garlicky whiff, you disgorge an endless menu of snacks, sandwiches, crisps and more.
THE NEVER-ENDING GRAZER: You like to be self-sufficient, so you bring food. Lots of food (file image)
Even if it’s first thing in the morning. Actually, especially if it`s first thing in the morning.
7. THE NERVOUS WRECK
You don’t care about the statistics, for you what lies ahead – from take-off to landing – is a white knuckle ride.
With claw-like hands you grasp the arm rest, and dramatically inhale at even the slightest bump.
In fact, you nearly shoot through the roof when, without warning, an especially loud Tannoy announcement declares it’s half price on aftershave.
When your eyes arent clenched tightly shut, you’re studying the faces of the cabin crew.
Is that an expression of indigestion, frustration, fatigue? Or is it because the pilot has told them we`re all doomed?
8. THE FLYING BLADDER
THE FLYING BLADDER: Something about flying makes you need to go to the washroom. Repeatedly. Like a self fulfilling prophecy, as soon as you see someone get up you get that familiar twitch (file image)
What is it about air travel that reduces your bladder to the capacity of a thimble?
Forget that at home, you can splurge on an entire Netflix series in one sitting without moving from your armchair.
Something about flying makes you need to go to the washroom. Repeatedly.
Like a self fulfilling prophecy, as soon as you see someone get up you get that familiar twitch.
Usually when the person next to you is asleep and the drinks trolley is blocking the gangway. In fact, especially when it is.
One glance at a bottle of overpriced mineral water and you have to go. Now.
9. THE EARSPLITTER
Airplanes are noisy places. There’s the din of the engine, the endless announcements and, of course, the other passengers.
THE EARSPLITTER: You watch your supply of downloads at full volume through your headphones. You have to block out every last crackling crisp packet or recalcitrant toddler (file image)
All of which grates on your nerves.
That’s why you watch your supply of downloads at full volume through your headphones.
You have to block out every last crackling crisp packet or recalcitrant toddler.
It`s the only way to lock out the world and get through the flight.
Problem is anyone going past can hear the racket YOU are making.
Air travel is about compromise. You just don`t like the sound of it.
10. THE SLEEP FANATIC
Your aim is to remain unconscious for the entire flight.
THE SLEEP FANATIC: Your aim is to remain unconscious for the entire flight. The problem is that, since you’re not in first class, you need to ensure you have every bit of equipment necessary to avoid being disturbed (file image)
The problem is that, since you’re not in first class, you need to ensure you have every bit of equipment necessary to avoid being disturbed.
You took an antihistamine before take off, ear plugs jammed in your lug holes, an eye mask wrapped around your face, an odd looking neck pillow and that nice little blanket you bought at a market in Mykonos.
And you always book a window seat. Sleep is your method of dealing with others.
Given all the other passenger types listed above – who can blame you?
This article was originally published by a www.dailymail.co.uk . Read the Original article here. .